No regrets

I really have no regrets...when it comes to learning dance.This is one of my hobbies which mummy did not approve at first.She was worried as the dance instructor was a man and when it comes to dancing,there will definitely be some kind of contact.But,since started,nothing has ever stopped me from learning when i have the chance to.Studies came in the way a few times,but once i had some free time,i would be back to continue.This proves that nothing will be in the way if you have your heart and mind set to do it.

Mummy has always encouraged us (siblings and me) to learn anything that was in our interest or beneficial to us.She doesn't mind paying as long as we wanted to learn.I have attended piano lessons,drum lessons,badminton training,taekwando and even mental arithmetic.Most of them were because i was made to learn.It was never my choice.Dancing was the first thing that i learnt because i wanted it.But,this time,mummy refused to pay for my fees.She said if i wanted to learn i had to pay for it myself.Partially it was because of the reason above and partially it was because she wanted me to appreciate,didn't take for granted the money spent on it.So,i have been paying for it myself for a total of almost 3 years now (and it is not cheap cos it costs me 50% of my monthly allowance now).And what she said was right.I am more aware of the cost i need to pay and in order to make it worthwhile,i make sure i attend the classes,pay attention,put effort into improving and practise whenever i am free.Cost versus benefit (linking the things i studied in ACCA here cos i am suppose to be preparing for my exams next week).Besides all that,i also do not give up that easily too.Previously,whenever i face any difficulties when learning,giving up was always an option i would consider,but not for dance.It was never an option,never even thought of it.For all the hardwork,time and money spent on it,giving up halfway would be a waste.Therefore,i am more determined to be better at what i am learning,to be a better dancer.

So,why is it that i said i have no regrets....Only recently,the previous lesson and tonight,that i received a huge compliment from my dance instructor.Usually,i will always either not be doing it right or doing it not enough,never up to his standard as a good student.But,this time,he told me that i had improved a lot,getting most things right (doesn't mean i am very good,just finally understanding what he meant and able to do them).He is even beginning to teach me more especially the hand movements so that i am able to be a complete dancer.I have always concentrated on my body and legs,never bothered about how my hands are suppose to move.So,this time,learning all these makes me feel like a real dancer,a dancer who can perform instead of just facing the mirror and practise.And the funny thing,he even insisted that i search for a job around here so that i can attend more dance classes and maybe get me a partner and prepare for competition.To hear all that from him (one of the best dance instructor in Malaysia),how can i not feel happy and contented?

Conclusion: I have NO REGRETS in learning how to dance =D

Everything

Wow..Another day and it will be December,the last month of 2011.This year it seems like my blog entries have reduced quite significantly.Will try to be a better blogger the next year,hopefully.

Many things happened this year which i never ever thought would.The first would be studying in KL,in Sunway College.It was really an eye opening experience and i was glad to be able to share it with my sister.We had many 'first' in this period,first time going on plane without family,first time driving to KL,first time driving in KL,first time preparing and planning our meals and etc...It wasn't easy to be away from home and having to be so independent but i think we still managed to enjoy ourselves at the end of the day.

This year,we lost our dog,Brownie.He has been with us since he was a puppy,from when we stayed at a rented house to the current house we are living,and that is more 15 years.I still remember the day my papa brought him back..this little brown puppy,hiding under the sofa.An intelligent,playful and fierce dog but lovable..We really miss having him around.

Major house renovation...We had stayed in this house more than 10 years and after the flood,parents decided that it needs some modification.And now,we all have our own rooms,which is really amazing.Enjoying every space of the house especially the kitchen a lot.We have been cooking and baking and it really feels nice.

The end of my study life is almost coming (if i pass my exams which i am taking next week).It feels....weird right now,when i can finally put down the books and not having to worry about exams anymore.17 years of studying,that is really not a short period of time.So,to be able to adjust and get used to it,i think will take a little time.Anyway,i hope that working life will be alright and i won't miss study life too much.

People come and people go,that's the way of life.I lost an uncle this year,someone i never thought will leave us this early.He was a health-conscious man but somehow,something happened along the way and made him ill.Doctors,specialists and traditional healers were consulted,prayers were made and even spiritual healer was sought,but none could help him.Till today,none of us know what that something was that took his life.

And i learnt a few things about love.Love is important in a relationship.Without love,it will not work out no matter how hard you try.Love is also blind.You can be the wisest person,but when you fall in love,you can make the stupidest decision.Someone like you by Adele,"Sometimes it last in love but sometimes it hurts instead".Love can hurt sometimes,like a thousand arrows piercing through your heart,but you will learn from that.Learn to not be so blinded,to see whether it is the love you are looking for and to move on from there.Finally,you don't have to own someone to be able to love them.To let them go and find their happiness is also a way of loving.
(I hope that we will not regret the decisions we made,we will be able find our happiness and love the one we chose)

I am very blessed to have my friends.I appreciate what you have done for me,being there for me...no matter whether it was a sunny or rainy day,no matter whether i was being mean or nice,no matter whether i was looking like a crazy person.Thank you so much!

These are the big events in my life for this year...it is not the end yet,so there might be another post.I hope i won't be too lazy or too busy enjoying the holidays.

Got to call it a night now...Tomorrow is another long day of study study study.Hope i will do well for my exams.

Power of the book

How can a book make me so sleepy?Even after just waking up in the morning.It happens everytime,no matter what time it is.And without fail,if i were to shut my eyes,i will fall into a deep sleep,a short nap will not be enough.

What can i do to keep myself awake?Initially i thought i didn't get enough sleep,so i made sure i get my 8 hours but it didn't work.Next,i tried to eat less during lunch but i was still sleepy.Then,it was taking some chocolates or fruits and keeping myself hydrated but still failed.Until today,i can't figure out what it is that is making me so sleepy whenever i open my books to study.If it is because of my room,then i have tried studying in the family area and the living room and the same effect.

If i still can't progress with my studying,then i might need to go to the place i went last semester during the renovation.It is really quiet and cosy there...nice table and chair,air-conditioned,a pot of tea (that's what i usually get),soft and relaxing music,no internet (or maybe there is but i didn't use it).Really considering to go there next week,a place with minimal distractions.

Only one month left!No more fooling around,no more FB-ing,no more chatting...Just study study and make sure i pass.That's my goal for now.

I am a bad baker

I am a bad baker.Yes,that's true.I can't even make a cake that is from the pre-mix box.The surface turned out like a toad's skin.It is a failure to that extreme.So,since then i have not baked except for pre-mix cookies which i did with a little girl.That turned out quite okay and we had lots of fun.

So,yesterday..my first time baking,as in real baking.I was pretty nervous as i wanted to make that for my friend's birthday.Searched the recipe a few days.I started at noon by arranging everything just like how they would on cook shows.It is ensure that i would not miss out on anything since i am known to fail in baking.It took me around an hour to finish with everything.And....it turned out okay!

Home sweet home

I am back home for good!

Happy and sad at the same time.Happy cos there is nothing better than home.Home is the 'bestest' place ever.And also now that i have my own room,it is nice to enjoy my little space before the next chapter of my life starts.

After nearly a year in KL,there are things that i will miss about it.The time spent,the people i met,the places i went,the food i ate,the tiny little things...those will always be a part of my life memory.

Now,i am almost coming to the end of my study life which also means the start of the next chapter of my life,the working life.I used to look forward to this but not now.

Today

I questioned myself lately as to whether i have a heart which can feel or a rock.And today answered my question.I am glad i am not that heartless.I still have a heart and not a rock.

The answer?

I have fallen in love,

What should i do?
It hurts so much,

But i want to keep on hurting.

I came upon this yesterday while i was watching a movie,Lovers' Concerto.It made me think whether is this the answer to what LOVE means..that even though it hurts when you are in love,you would rather continue feeling the hurt instead of giving it up.

Unpredictable

People walk into our lives just like that,and they can walk out just like that too.

Friends for years to strangers in a few minutes,stranger for years to close friends in a few months.

It was just like yesterday when you are still here,when everything was fine and perfect.

I never thought that this will happen,but it just did.

A sudden change of mind,a sudden change of heart.

LIFE IS JUST SO UNPREDICTABLE

But I wouldn't change it,

Cos that is what makes life,

LIFE.

Random

This post is really going to be like the title..very random,covering everything that has happened since i last blogged or is happening.

My house renovation is finally going to end soon.Kitchen cabinets are getting fixed,the cupboards for the bedrooms are coming together too..Just the little touches.My room will hopefully be done by next week cos the only thing missing is the cupboard now.It is getting custom made and is suppose to be ready on Sunday.My bed received a new coat of paint and it looks brand new now.Can't wait for everything to in place and see the final result.

Grandma came to visit last week.It is still difficult for her to accept the passing of my uncle but we try our best to talk to her.I spent the first night talking to her till almost 2am,listening to her 'what if' and 'why'.After the first night,we (siblings and i) decided to use another approach which is to play mahjong to distract her.The first night of mahjong went well.No money involved,just playing for the fun of it.The following nights,grandma suggested betting a little to make it more interesting.So that's what we did for 2 or 3 nights till early in the morning.Mummy would wake up in the middle of her sleep and tell us to stop,but we still carried on.How naughty of us and grandma... =P

If you have seen my post before this,there is one about the pets we have at home.One of them is our first dog,Brownie.He is now more than 15 years old and is almost completely blind.He walks into things especially during the renovation.Recently,we noticed that his legs are becoming weak and he pants too much.It is heart breaking to watch him suffer like this but it is equally as bad to consider putting him to sleep.We haven't decided on what to do,just trying to be more aware of his needs and making him as comfy as we can.

My results from June's exams are out.I am really very glad i made it this time.With the first time failure,demotivation,renovation,falling sick a few days before exam...there is nothing more i could wish for.I am now left with 2 papers and i will be done with ACCA for good.That means i have to start preparing and focusing on my goal.

Last week,i attended my dance class again.It is really amazing how i never fail to enjoy myself when i am there.So much laughter especially with the uncle (80 years old) who dances better than me.We would partner and then he would teach me new steps he learned from Youtube.When class ended,i had a chat about dancing shoes with a girl who has been there for quite some time but we seldom talk cos she usually speaks Mandarin and i am not good at it.The uncle felt quite left out cos i would always talk to him and we would walk down to the car together.But it was all okay after that.He even teased about us driving him to Penang and treating him to a meal there.

My current craze is nail polishes.I have been getting at least one a week.Like painting my toe nails see how they turn out.When i am back home,even persuaded mummy and grandma to let me do it for them.

I have been playing badminton quite often recently since i am around when my parents play.So,i can join them and exercise a little instead of being a couch potato at home.It is also sort of a family time since if my brother is back,he joins too and after badminton,we usually go for our dinner.Because i play badminton nowadays,my brother got a new shoe and mine is about to kaput..i have been looking around for a new one and i just can't take my eyes off this.Love the colour!

I am kind of bored seeing myself in this same hairstyle so i have been considering to curl it.Erny and sis are also thinking of doing it so we might get them done together.But,i am really afraid that i will not get used to the look and might think that i have just wasted my money on something really unnecessary.What do you think?Should i try or not?

Sis and me have created a record of using all the public transport in around 6 hours..It started from plane,then bus,ktm komuter and finally taxi.That's our way of travelling when don't drive and still want to save money,but it is VERY TIRING.

I think that's all...Better study a little now before i start feeling sleepy.

B for BORED

I really don't know how i managed to survive last semester staying in KL.I think it's because of the long hours of lectures that made the day seemed so short at that time.Now,each second feels like an hour and what more a week.I really can't wait to be back home,where i have many things to occupy myself with.

I thought KL will be VERY INTERESTING,many things to do but it looks like i am wrong.There is nothing much to do except to eat and shop.If you don't wish to spend money,then what you can do is stay at home and stare at the wall.

I know i am suppose to be studying but i just can't.I have so much energy left each day cos i have not been moving much,that it builds up and now i am reaching a point where i feel like exploding.Too much energy,no where to use it.

I am planning to go out and burn some of my energy tomorrow but after considering all the possibilities,still end up with shopping,watching movie and makan.Looks like there is only these few things to do in KL...

Rain and shine

Rain and shine,

I am as confused as the sky,

Not sure of what i should do,

Not sure of how i should feel.

Hopefully,

There will be rainbow,

Waiting for me,

When all these ends.

Updates

Just realised that it has been awhile since i last blogged.The lazy bug is getting to me nowadays.I have been doing things,but not sure what they are.Time just seems to fly and before i know it,another day is gone.

Major house renovation is completed.So grateful cos the mess and the dust after that was terrible.Days of cleaning,wiping and there is still a layer of white powder.The last part of renovation left is the kitchen and also getting the new areas set up.Besides those,we are enjoying the 'new house'.

Because of the renovation,i have my OWN room now.So happy but at the same time a little sad cos i no longer get to chit chat with siblings especially my sister before going to sleep.But,it is okay.Now we can 'visit' each other.I am looking forward to getting my room all set up as now,it only has a bed.So,there is wardrobe,table and little details here and there before i can really call it MY ROOM.Can't wait,can't wait.. (will try to remember to post a photo of my room when it is completed)

As for my studies,i am currently self-studying.I am SUPPOSE to start early so that i won't suffer from panic attacks before exams,but here i am doing everything besides studying.I allow myself to come up with so many excuses and end up stuck at nil progress.I seriously think i should start studying tonight.A small,slow start is better than none right?And gradually build the momentum.

Dancing dancing came to an end again.I have no choice but to stop cos i can't make it for the class.So sad...Hopefully my body will remember all the moves and when i continue in October,i can improve from there and not start from the beginning.

Oh..just to share.I am currently into Burt's Bees products.Loving the Very Volumizing Pomegranate & Soy Shampoo.Erny introduced me to this brand when she was staying over at my place.I decided to give it a try cos have been searching high and low for a non-SLS shampoo.Most of the shops even those claiming to be natural seem to have that.This brand of shampoo is almost 100% natural,non-SLS and the smell is so nice.But,the downside of it is that,you need to use a conditioner after washing with it cos it leaves the hair a little dry.Besides that,no complaints for now.The lip products are not bad too while the lotion,i have yet to find out.When i first got it,it was only available in KL but now,there is a branch in Gurney Plaza Penang as well.So,if you happen to be looking for natural products,can give this brand a try.

Sorry

I am really...

SORRY.

Renovation

After the flood,parents have been considering about renovating the house.It was also time for the house to be a little bigger as everyone is growing up now.So,for months we have been planning,designing and thinking of ways to maximise the space.

Around April,the renovation finally started.It is really a MAJOR renovation neither is it a minor one.Mummy really became a super mom.She moved and arranged everything to fit into the space that will be available during the renovation.Cupboards,tables,drawers,beds...In a family of 5,you know how MUCH things we have.So ya,she did all those by herself cos my papa was busy at work while we (my siblings and I) were in KL studying.

Finally,when the semester ended,sis and me came back to help my mum a little.We didn't move that many things cos most of it was done,only the choosing of materials(tiles,doors,paints),those kind of things left.Though it seems easy and simple,but it still took us a lot of time,especially when sis and me were having exams.But somehow,we managed it.

A little about the renovation now.At first,we had the whole house to us,the work only started outside.But still,the rooms could not be used and the toilet.Slowly,the rooms were sealed and then upstairs and now we are left with a living room,master bedroom and also a bathroom.

Living in this 'apartment' (won't call it a house now cos of the space) is pretty interesting.Though there are some inconveniences such as using the bathroom and also privacy,but we still managed it quite well,maybe even got used to it.There is a joke now that maybe we might just continue to seal the house this way and rent out the back of our house.

Some photos to show we are living...

Everyone would never imagine,us being able to cook without a kitchen.But guess what,my super mummy doesn't believe that renovation can stop her from cooking.

How are we sleeping?There is only a bedroom and a living room.So,mummy has arranged for my siblings and me to sleep in the living room,right in front of the television.The first few nights were difficult..mosquitoes biting,dogs barking,the small space..

Hmm..what else.Our things are all stored under big plastic sheets,to avoid dust collecting.Still there are when we opened it the other day,but slightly better than not doing so i think.It will be a massive cleaning and arrangement of things.

That's all i can think about right now.Will blog more about it maybe,when everything is complete.

Where?

Oh where,

Oh where,

Can my IC and driving license be?

I have search for you,

All over the place.

Day and night,

High and low,

But not a glimpse of you,

Can be seen.

SIEN!

2

Almost the same situation,

Happened twice.

How is that possible?

Didn't i learn my lesson after the first time?

Why torture me twice?

Why test me twice?

Now wondering if there will be a third...

Feelings

What you say and what you do is NOT the same.

Happy YET unhappy.

One less thing to think about.

If it's not meant to be yours,it will NEVER be yours.

When it's beyond your control,then just let it be.

Ahh...Just stop all these nonsense and get back to my books.All the other things will not ensure that i pass my exams,secure myself a job and start earning $$$.

My darling doggies,please don't let me have a heart attack when i open my eyes in the morning.

Committed

The person whom you choose to marry

is perhaps the single most vivid representation of your personality.

Your spouse becomes the most gleaming possible mirror

through which your emotional individualism is reflected back to the world.

....that choice tells us,to a large extent,who you are.

~ Elizabeth Gilbert~

Glad

Back together.

Happy that everything is solved.

And hopes that it will last.

Answer

I wish i can see the future,

then i won't be so uncertain now.

I wish i know the answer,

then i won't waste your time.

HEADACHE!

A break

A break is what i need.

I think.

I feel.

But i am not sure.

This word

What is..

'LOVE' ?

I thought i know what this word means..but only to realise that i actually don't.

It always seem so easy to tell whether other people are in love or not but why when it comes to ourselves,it is not as easy?

Is it possible for friends to become lovers?Is it possible for love to start growing from nil?

Why is it that there are people who can ignore the inner beauty and just judge from the outer?Is that ALL that matters?No wonder there are girls who go for plastic surgery.

Just hope that i can clear this mess in my head and heart and get it sorted out.Don't want it to bother me for my exam which is coming SOON.I am NOT going to allow myself to fail again.NOT NOT NOT...

Masak-masak

I don't know if you girls played this game before but as a kid,i surely did.Sometimes it would be with my sister only and sometimes it would involve my brother and cousins (boys) as well.The boys usually are there to ruin the things that we have collected.At home,in the garden,we would gather grass,flowers and little berry like fruits.If we were at my grandparent's house,then it would be more fun cos there are actual fruits and more types of flowers.These will be our 'ingredients'.Using little colourful,plastic cooking utensils,we would chop up those things,'grate' them to produce juice (i remember plucking little guavas,grating them and got green paste),squeezing flowers in the water to get the colours out and 'cook' them in our pot or pan into imaginary food.

But now,as i grow,my little utensils have grown too.No longer are they plastic and colourful.No longer are those ingredients plucked from the garden.No longer are they imaginary food.

Study life have brought my sister and me to KL,to see the world and learn to be more independent.And one of the things that we had to do is cook.Our used-to-be a game now is a reality.It started off with a small rice cooker and a water boiler.With that,we cooked rice and instant noodles (that's for sure) and noodle soup,(fried and boiled) egg sandwiches,baked beans,steamed veg

etables,french toast...

But we were not satisfied as there are many things that can't be done with the rice cooker and also it takes a long time to cook a meal.So,we extended our little kitchen corner by getting a pot and also a portable stove.With these two,we are now able to practically cook anything we want.The meal that tasted the best out of our kitchen was the nasi lemak.I invited a friend over for dinner and my sister and him took second helping though there wasn't enough sambal and fried chicken left.He even asked us to cook it again.That's a real compliment especially for my sister and me who don't really cook when we are at home.

These are a few photos of my little kitchen,the process of cooking and also the end results.

Hoping to try out more new recipes and impress my parents when we are back at home =) (But have to remember to spend some time to study too cos cooking won't help me pass my exams and coming to KL is to study,not learn how to cook)

Double dose of failure

Yesterday was a really horrible day,the worst day in my study life.Hate it yet i expected it.Just didn't know that it will become a reality.Why oh why...??

ACCA should seriously do something about their website or IT system.I opted to receive my results via email and that didn't come till today.So,i was sitting in front of my laptop for almost 7 hours (from the time i started to prepare lunch,had lunch till after dinner) clicking on the reload button and keep trying 'new' ways to access the site.

The exam results..like i said,somewhat i expected it though deep inside me,i was still hoping for a tiny miracle to happen.But when i asked myself,which paper should it be (not wanting to be greedy so was just hoping for one) i could not even decide.Both the papers i felt that i didn't do well.Maybe,that's why miracle didn't happen and therefore the..

DOUBLE dose of FAILURE

I hope that after this i will regain my motivation to study for maybe find a new drive to work harder because previously it has been almost nil momentum and concentration.Wishing that this semester will be a better one and that everything will go smoothly,starting from the decision about my classes).

2 hours to go

I have 2 more hours before i know my results for the exam i took in December.I don't feel as nervous as previously but i also don't have that much confidence in myself to believe that i will pass.So,will just sit here and wait for the time to come,check it,see how i did and plan what papers i should be taking.Hope that i PASS the TWO papers..

*Keeping my fingers crossed*

PS: My blog is a little dead these days cos I have to use and share the broadband with my sister.It has limited usage and the line is not that stable.

First week of lectures

Today is Friday!Finally coming to the end of the first week.

It was okay for the first week.Orientation was a little waste of time and pressuring cos the management kept on mentioning 'passing rate','success','work hard' and 'platinum status'..Though it is stressful to hear all those,in a way it is kind of good for someone like me who lost my motivation last semester.It made me feel determined to pass my exams and to work hard in order for this semester to be my last one.

Besides orientation is the lectures.They were all smooth-going.I managed to find out where all the lectures were held and can quite understand what the lecturers were saying.That is something good cos my last semester i was always lost and trying to find my way out of the puzzle.This is where i find Sunway to be better.They acknowledge the fact that there are new students and therefore,don't always refer to the notes they previously gave or use terms which new students won't know.But what's not nice is that the lecturers have already asked us to start revising after each lecture.I know that it is THE WAY,but i am always so tired after lectures.My brain feels like it has absorbed SO MUCH and i should just sleep to 'save' what i learned.

So,that's a little about how my study life is currently.

Dance...stopped for the moment cos it is TOO EXPENSIVE to learn it here.So shall just wait till i have the time when i am back in AS to continue.

Sleep...i have been sleeping so EARLY these days.Really not like the AS me where 12am is still early.Here,10pm is already late.But it's good,at least no more looking like a panda (even though i love them).

The big city

Ah!
I am finally in KL.Sis and me have been thinking about coming here to study for quite some time and now we are really staying here.We didn't imagine it to be as difficult as in Penang.

Even though previously i was in UKM for 6months,it was still SO TERRIBLY HARD for me to adjust to life here.After gotten used to study life in Penang and most of the time,staying at home,the sudden change and the need to be independent is terrifying.What more,i have to also 'look after' my sister.Luckily,i have friends here whom i can call and ask for help.I do hope that i will be able to adapt to this life quickly so that before i know it,it is already time to go home and i can re-decide where i want to be next.

As for my sis,it is her first time being so far away from home and having to be independent.Definitely,it is tough on her but i hope that she will be able to overcome it and try to look on the brighter side.There is nothing we can do about it until we are done with the 4months here.

My goal: Concentrate on class so that time will pass faster and then it is time to pack up and GO HOME! (I am 100% going to reconsider whether to work in KL.Maybe Penang is far enough for someone like me who loves my home so much)